it's all about me...

Not everyone appreciates a good blog. As my wife just commented on her first read of my fledgling steps into the world of the big B, "It's very self-indulgent, isn't it." She was only on line three of my first entry...

Needless to say she was not allowed to continue reading. I was going to make a "pearls before swine" comment, but then I'd be calling my wife a pig, which generally isn't considered the done thing. That would also make me a man married to a pig, which reminds me a little too much of a line from the South Park movie (well, at least I'm not Canadian).

But, to be honest, what she had inadvertently done was put into words a tension I had long been feeling in my own soul (well, at least since Thursday). Blogging has at its heart this requirement that you be a bit self-centred. You have to

a) think that something you have to say is of interest to other people when all too often it's just cathartic drivel which should be kept private, and

b) be a self-publicist, telling other people where to find your blog so that they can read your self-pseudo-psycho-analysis of the time you washed up without your significant other saying thank you.

Being a bit of an introvert (yes, I know I make a lot of noise, but inside I'm crying) I don't consider myself to have either of these qualities. I am, therefore, either self-deluded or internally conflicted. In either case my blogs are, therefore, clearly not worth reading.

Please desist immediately.

a blog too far...

The second hardest thing about starting a blog is being provocative enough to be worth reading but without going over to the DARK SIDE. The DARK SIDE, in case you're not aware, is characterised by a general similarity to the DEVIL, including horns, redness of face, sulpherous emissions, complaining, expressing views not considered appropriate by the powers that be, or generally making any reference to the fact that life isn't PEACHY at all.

If you recognise any of the obove symptoms, then beware, the second death awaits. But all is not lost. The secret elixir of sumbission will heal all...

But then again, at the risk of ruining the rhetorical force of the above, because blogs are in the public domain they really can have a dark side. There's a fine line between healthy debate and disparagement or obloquy (word of the day), but the world needs people ready to find out where that line is, as long as their intention isn't deliberate mischief-making. In the words of a No Fear slogan:

if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room.

the worst thing...

The worst thing about starting a blog is trying to find a name for it. What word can I think of that identifies me to those who know me, and yet is unique? What word sets me apart as special, as someone whose random thoughts might be worth reading? The truth is that the words that really do set me apart (over-educated-grumpy-old-git) aren't ones that I particularly want associated with my 'net identity. I want to be thought of as cool, handsome, special (in the good sense of the word; the other sense I already have covered), masculine yet sensitive, godly yet normal, and whatever other binary oppositions you can think of.

The truth is, I'm not special or unique, which is why it took me so long find a title for my blog. I ended up with disarrange ("put into a state of disorder"), because that's how I feel most of the time. I think this is the point where I'm supposed to say something profound, but I am dying for a wee, so for now this will have to do:

Arse.